When you find out your adoptive father threw all the Hebrew infants into the Nile.

image

(Source: fuckyeahthespianpeacock, via clever-words-cant-help-me-now)

32,216 notes

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

(via thekillersofficial)

111,317 notes
  • People: Aren't you going a bit overboard?
  • Me: *surrounded by pumpkins and candles and sweaters* Idk what you mean?
12,620 notes
send me “if i was dating you” descriptions

(Source: emaciatinq, via truecinema13)

168,495 notes

and-the-two-idiots:

stripedpants:

My brother’s friend was starting to apply for colleges. And one of the colleges he applied to required a 3 page essay explaining what daring meant to them.

So being the clever person he was

On the each page he wrote 1 word with huge font,

THIS

IS

DARING

And he later got accepted. 

this is my favorite story on tumblr

(via zachsgay)

282,913 notes